It’s been a bit of weird week. Have you ever experienced those moments, where nothing is wrong? or moment of peace? Nothing wrong. Nothing needs to be fixed. You didn’t stick your foot in your mouth. You didn’t hurt anyone and no one hurt you. It is OK. The thing about those moments are you start to question why. Why is nothing wrong? Why doesn’t anything need to be fixed? Then as soon as you answer to yourself, it’s as though someone heard you. Before you know it you’ve got drama!
I was feeling pretty good like I had myself under control emotionally, for me that’s something I pay close attention to. There were no people I was feeling guilty about letting down somehow. Things were good with my parents. I didn’t go bat shit crazy on either one of them over Christmas when I visited. I thought, I’m finally in a good place and monitoring myself has paid off and I’ve got life “licked” (that’s southern slang for “beat” not some weird tongue thing). I’ve confronted my demons…I’ve become comfortable with my story…and this this peace must be my reward for the work I’ve done on myself up to this point. WRONGGGGGG! Almost as quickly as my last blog was posted, I had to swallow an entire humble pie and wash it down with a shot of vulnerability, everyone’s favorite flavor…
Yeah. Failing and being exposed are two of my least favorite things. So, I’d like to add-on to ‘I’ve got mine, you’ve got yours…‘ with these caveats concerning ones story:
1a. Even if wounds have healed and become scars, you will likely come across familiar situations or things that gave you those wounds initially. It is life’s way of testing us, helping us to make sure we remember the lesson and how to approach those things that can leave a mark with more caution.
2a. Having a story isn’t special. Everyone has one. It’s just a giant log of what happened at the beginning, middle, and end of you. It’s what you do with the story and the details. It’s what you’ve learned from it and how it might serve someone else to know it. Letting your failures wash over you because you got too close, or you knew better, or you showed a side of yourself that you desperately try to keep in check, serves no one.
3a. Your story can only be as current as it is the moment you’re telling it…because it’s not finished…it’s on-going, therefore thinking you’ve got life licked is hella stupid. Our stories hold everything- what makes us who we are, the specific things we’ve been through, overcome, or even failed to overcome, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
4a. Forgive yourself. You’re not perfect. This story that you’re writing isn’t a dull major motion picture where you’re always happy and you’re never neurotic and you always get what you want and you never repeat mistake. That would be a dumb story. Adversary, challenges, accomplishments, and compassion make a great stories. Be a great story by giving yourself the room to make mistakes and loving yourself more for them.
Here’s hoping my next post will be about something hilarious…we need a laugh.