I’ve been struggling a little to come up with something worth saying, so after a little reflection I was remembering this one “ah ha moment” in therapy years ago… I had begun learning that I don’t owe anyone an explanation or front row seat to my thoughts, feelings, pain or mistakes. I don’t and you don’t. Just because someone asks you a question does not mean they have any right to the answer. And as I began to put these ideas into practice, I learned that my time and story were the two things I had to offer, and a feeling of power came over me. After 25 years, I had become the gatekeeper of my life. No one could know me without me sharing my time or
where I’ve been with them. It sounds snobby or harsh even, but when you come from a place of thinking I have to share everything or who even wants me…who would want to know me…this was a good thing.
Everyone has time and a story. You can’t get more time, you can’t get time misspent back and you can’t undo your past. There’s a lot about these two things you can’t change on the back-end, but on the front end, you are as in control as you’ll ever be. When you spend time with others you’re inviting them to be a part of your story, and in your story they will always be, even if you part ways. Your time and your story are completely intertwined because…how you spend your time IS your story. What happened to you in that time…what made you bleed, what made your life, and what made you change…
So, I have to caution you to make sure the people you share something as finite as your time with and as indelible as the story of you, deserve it. I’m not saying you should walk around acting as though you are holier than thou and that you’re god and everyone should be lucky to know you, but rather act as though you are valuable and you’ve got something no one else in the whole world has…because you do. No one else will love the way you do, laugh the way you do, kiss the way you do, or even sip coffee the way you do. No one.
And while we’re waiting around for that “someone” to want to know us and take our time, remember sometimes it takes a little longer for what we deserve to find us.