As I was trying to focus on the powerpoint I was supposed to create today, my mind drifted to a memory. I must’ve been around 8 years old, when the Little Mermaid was a cool thing. When I would watch, Ariel would sing about wanting more and wanting to live on land, and I would get this feeling. I later identified that feeling as “longing.”
My mother took me to Ft. Walton Beach for vacation and I remember sitting on the balcony one night, staring at the ocean and the waves and feeling the same feeling I got when I watched the Little Mermaid.
The ocean has always seemed to represent vastness, mystery and infiniteness to me. I may not have realized it in that moment, but that would mark the beginning of an understanding that like the ocean I had mystery, depth and rage within me. Maybe more so than some. I was an unfolding story and finding myself was the whole point. I was longing for me.
Over the course of your life, you will find yourself and lose yourself over and over again. Finding yourself once doesn’t mean you’ll never be lost again. You will. You’ll play second fiddle to the countless distractions of life. Relationships, things, activities, substances, etc. will draw your attention away and you could get lost in those things. Similar to the way a parent may lose track of child, who wanders off in the grocery store – in an instant you can lose yourself.
I pray you never lose yourself, and if you do I pray that there is a reunion on the horizon. Never abandon yourself. It would be a shame to share any version other than your authentic self with this world. It’s not selfish to have goals. It’s not selfish to love yourself and know yourself. I’m not encouraging narcissism, but rather embracing yourself in a way you never have…knowing yourself without limits, conditions, or judgement.