I sit in front of the computer in a dark room…the earth has been thirsting for the heavenly percussion of rain. Today she got a drink. In my tiny home, I feel surround by a lullaby. Outside the drops fall slowly, then all at once…and in this moment I am trapped with my thoughts…
The first one – I would’ve fought for him. I would have fought like hell to keep him from her. He’s worth that. He’s worth whatever that would’ve made me.
The second one – You can’t save anyone. You can only love them.
The third – (on a high level) The Darwinian theory of evolution uses the phrase “survival of the fittest”…the “fittest” does not refer to those that are stronger or more fit than others. The “fittest” refers to adaptability, those who can adapt to change- survive.
Yes, random I know.
For as long as I can remember, when it came to feelings and emotions and boys, I asked for what I wanted (all before the age of 15). I was fearless. I would tell boys I had crushes on them, and I would ask them to go “out”, even though I was 11 and we didn’t really go anywhere. There was one boy, who it would turn out that I would like all through pre-K to high school, and he didn’t like me back…and sometimes he wasn’t the nicest. He taught me not to be what I call “the dumb girl who doesn’t get it” and for the most part with the exception of two incidents in college (alcohol made me do it!) I haven’t been or allowed myself to be “the dumb girl who doesn’t get it”(DGWDGI).
The Dumb Girl Who Doesn’t Get It – doesn’t get when…
he’s not interested
she likes someone more than they like her
a guy is using her
she is the brunt of his joke
the “relationship” (used loosely) has run its course
I have been the DGWDGI, and I vowed I wouldn’t be her again. I’d be smarter, and no one would have to tell me more than once that they didn’t want me. I’ve done well with it. It hasn’t been until recently that I wonder if perhaps, there is room to fight for someone before you reach the pathetic status of DGWDGI. Pride can be an ugly horrible thing, but how do you know when to swallow it and go to battle? If I’d known what I know now, I’d have fought for him, but then again, he may have still gone back to her…
Because I can’t live in the space, I’m currently living in, in my head I have to adapt and move forward; according to Darwin, that’s how we survive and thrive. Survival is not when we live in an unchanging environment where growth doesn’t happen. We survive when we make adjustments and changes.
If a plant doesn’t grow, then it might be dying or dead, right? And if it isn’t growing, it isn’t living because living things grow.
We make choices everyday. Negligible choices that add up to be big ones. We choose to adapt or to remain stagnant. We choose to fight for what we want or believe we have no power over the outcome. We can accept truth or live in denial.