I ran across this post that apparently, I’d left as a draft. I’m not sure why it was never posted, but it brought me back to the night I wrote it. I was seeing a newly divorced guy or so he led me to believe. I think he very badly wanted to escape his former life and be a whole new person free of his ex, but I also think he was playing with fire. I got burned. He went back to his wife.
It was over before it began in a lot of ways…and not because either one of us is a bad person, but because life has other plans. Have you ever felt that? Things were going great until they weren’t and the only thing you can really say is that’s life…
Well, I’m here to tell you that life is an evil heinous bitch sometimes. You can do all the right things, make all the right choices, pray all the right prayers, and life will still kick the living shit out of you. Why? I choose the explanation that life is about lessons. Sometimes painful and often times unfair. Dating is hard. It’s awful. I go back and forth with whether or not I believe it’s necessary…I don’t know. I hate when a situation rocks you to the point where you just can’t quite find your footing again. And I guess that’s what happened. My life was going great. I have my friends, more blessings than I deserve, and out of all the bars in Florida he walked into mine…
So how can I make a positive out of this situation…I know a numbered list of advice for early in the dating relationship:
- Believe him when he shows you who he is, if he isn’t for you in the beginning he probably won’t be in the middle or end either.
- If there is an ex-wife still breathing, assume that even if he isn’t still in love with her that he hasn’t miraculous healed from a decade long relationship. No matter how much time has passed (and anything less than a year is pushing it). It’s a difficult feat to mean anything to him, when he’s talking to her.
- If he is married and reaching out to you…first of all, it’s wrong. He has more issues than Cosmo…walk away. This is not healthy for you.
- If you don’t communicate in the beginning, you probably aren’t going to develop that ability.
- When he tells you I don’t want to hurt you assume there is something he isn’t telling you that is going to hurt you.
- There will come a day when he says exactly the right thing. Don’t let it go to your heart. Remember it. Let him show you how he feels over and over again, and then let yourself believe it.
- Men pursue women. I know we switch it up sometimes, but men were built to pursue their love interest. They will find you if they want you. They will ask you for your time if they want to spend time with you.
- Don’t assume you won’t find someone else who can make you feel how you’ve never felt. You will.
- Always retreat into yourself and nurture your spirit. You are amazing and someone treated you less than…comfort yourself and love yourself back to life.
- Surround yourself with people who love you and know your worth.